Better Questions Build Better Customer Relationships
Why the quality of our conversations matters more than having all the answers.
Think about the last time someone tried to sell you something.
Perhaps they were enthusiastic, knowledgeable and genuinely believed in what they were offering. But before you'd had much opportunity to explain what you needed, they were already telling you why their product or service was the perfect solution.
You may have appreciated their enthusiasm. But did you feel understood?
It raises an interesting question.
Are we sometimes so focused on providing the right answer that we forget to understand the real problem?
The conversation we think we're having
Whether you're leading a team, running a business or working directly with customers, conversations often begin with assumptions.
A customer asks about price, and we assume affordability is the problem.
A client says they need more time, and we assume they're not interested.
A colleague questions a decision, and we interpret it as resistance.
We respond to what we think is happening rather than discovering what's actually happening.
Under pressure to achieve results, this tendency can become stronger. We want to solve the problem, move forward and get something done.
But moving quickly isn't always the same as moving effectively.
What changes when we ask better questions?
Imagine a business owner speaking with a prospective customer who's interested in their services but hesitant to commit.
The customer says, "It's probably not the right time for us."
The business owner might explain the benefits again, offer a discount or promise to follow up later.
But what if they asked:
"What's making the timing difficult at the moment?"
The customer might explain that budgets are being reviewed, their team is stretched or they're uncertain whether the service will deliver enough value.
Now the conversation has changed.
Instead of guessing at the objection, the business owner has an opportunity to understand it.
They may discover a problem they can help solve, realise a different approach is needed or learn that the timing genuinely isn't right.
Not every conversation needs to end in a sale to be valuable.
Sometimes the most useful outcome is greater understanding, a stronger relationship or knowing when to reconnect.
Why questions matter
Research published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology in 2017 found that people who asked more questions, particularly follow-up questions, tended to be better liked by their conversation partners.
Thoughtful follow-up questions communicate something important: we're paying attention, we're interested and we want to understand.
Research published in the Journal of Business Research in 2019 also highlighted the importance of listening in customer relationships and sales performance.
Together, these findings reinforce a useful principle:
Good conversations aren't simply about exchanging information. They're about developing understanding.
And understanding influences what happens next.
The part we often overlook: our own interpretation
At Thrive Now Coaching Academy, one of the principles we explore through our Conversation Control framework is that we don't respond only to what someone says.
We respond to how we interpret it.
Our state of mind, expectations and previous experiences influence what we notice and what we think it means.
Consider the difference between hearing:
"This is too expensive."
And interpreting it as:
"They don't value what we offer."
Those aren't necessarily the same thing.
Perhaps the customer genuinely can't afford it. Perhaps they don't understand the value, are comparing alternatives or need more information.
We won't know unless we're willing to explore.
That requires curiosity, but also the awareness to recognise when our assumptions are taking over.
Three questions worth bringing into your next conversation
You don't need a complicated questioning technique or a prepared script.
Start with three simple questions.
1. "What's most important to you right now?"
Understand their current priorities rather than assuming they're the same as before.
2. "Can you tell me a little more about that?"
The first answer is often only the beginning. A thoughtful follow-up can reveal what sits underneath it.
3. "What would a good outcome look like for you?"
Move the conversation towards what the person actually wants to achieve.
The important part isn't memorising the questions. It's being genuinely interested in the answers — and allowing what you learn to influence your response.
A different measure of a successful conversation
When business conditions are challenging, it's understandable that people feel pressure to attract customers, retain relationships and achieve results.
But pressure can tempt us to talk more, persuade harder and rush towards solutions.
Sometimes the more effective approach is to slow the conversation down long enough to understand what's changed.
Customers' circumstances change. Their priorities change. Their concerns change.
And the conversations that worked six months ago may not be the conversations they need today.
If customers are responding differently, perhaps the first thing we need to change isn't our offer. It's the questions we're asking.
Before your next important conversation, consider this:
Am I preparing to explain what I know, or am I preparing to discover what I don't?
That small shift could change the quality of the conversation — and the relationship that follows.
Reference:
Huang et al. (2017) — Question-asking and interpersonal liking
